Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

New Story- Chapter One by ~GreenFox59:iconGreenFox59:



Opening- The Chase
Early in the morning, five in the morning to be precise, a man was running through a vast forest. He knows he can't stop, if he does he's dead. Like most of us, the man was running away from death it self (well, at least it seemed that way). It didn't help that he was draped in monk styled robes, tied near his waist by a small rope; but no matter what, he could not lose speed, he could not die today. 'Master! I'm coming, I'm coming Master! I won't fail ye in my quest! I must meet up with ye right now!' He thought. The man kept his will up by reassuring himself in the method of positive thoughts. But it was important for him to remember that his pursuer was right behind him!
The chase was being pursue by a four legged beast with sharp teeth and a dog like noise. The Beast leaped every time his legs hit the ground, he was in pursuit of his prey ... No, his soon to be prisoner. Although this chase has been in effect for 2 hours now the Beast would not give up, he knew deep down that this man will soon tire. Every now-and-then the Beast's fur change colour and his appearance will slightly transform, this was no ordinary beast... This was the legendary Colour-Fungus Wolf, a rare, but powerful, race of dragon blooded fungus. The reason Colour-Fungus Wolf take the form of a wolf has been debated for years and so far no theory has been made popular.  Anyway, back to the chase; the Colour-Fungus Wolf now looked a lot like a wolf that absorb a lighting bolt. Its fur became static and his tail stood straight-up, its fur had a mixture of yellow and blue and sometimes a shimmer of red flows though, like wind blows through a field of grass.
The man detected the Colour-Fungus Wolf had took another form and he reacted quickly. Reaching into the neck of his robe he pulled out a vial of red potion. With one big gulp of the drink he felt his legs sting as lactic acid exit his body in the form of sweat. The Man was tired, but he couldn't give up... He is on a quest for his Master and he could not fail.
©2009 ~GreenFox59
:icongreenfox59:

Author's Comments

I have no idea were I am going with this, but any feedback is welcome.

Minor Edit: DA didn't register the sentence I italics, so I made a slight change by adding quatation and ending it with he thought.

New Edit: I think the project is ago ^_^ I've updated the same sentence again with the suggest Tim has given me and instead of making a new Divantation I will just use this space.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconvespir:
in regards to the thought part i always use an apostraphe for thoughts. like i would have put 'Master! I'm coming, I'm coming Master! I won't fail ye in my quest! I must meet up with ye right now!'

it helps me to differentiate. beyond that it was good but if you plan to run with it make sure to expand your ideas. You seem to put down a thought when it comes your mind without concern for if it fits into the current scene.

It could easily turn into a great story. It just needs expansion and a little tweaking and it'll be great. Hit me up if you need some help or more review

--
in traveling what one wants is a companion, in life compassion~japanese proverb
:icongreenfox59:
Thanks for the suggestion ^_^

--
This is why you shouldn't trust computer translators: I was a bright hope for the future, the sun!

When I orignally wrote: I hope your future is bright and full of sun.
:iconvespir:
no prob. always happy to help a fellow writer

--
in traveling what one wants is a companion, in life compassion~japanese proverb

Details

April 14
2.2 KB

Statistics

3
1 [who?]
23 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map